Shaking off 2017

Shaking off 2017

Southern California experienced a small earthquake registering 3.1 centered near Ontario about 5:36 p.m. local time. This seems to me a very appropriate way to shake off a year that held a great deal of sadness, disappointment, frustration, anger, division, and a whole host of other emotions for many people. While I am aware that there are people who actually liked 2017, and that there were actually good elements and stories from 2017, this year for me has been mostly bad and I am looking forward to putting it and every year prior to it behind me.

January launched a new presidency, and with it, all the promises, good and bad, of a new administration. The agenda of the new administration is to derail every accomplishment of the Obama administration, including healthcare and net neutrality. The guiding force of this administration is hatred and division. Trump and his followers hate Obama. This cannot be disputed. While it can be debated that not all of Trump’s followers are racist, bigoted, and misogynistic, it cannot be debated that the one common thread they all hold is a hatred for Obama and they are willing to allow this hatred to completely undermine the sanctity of the presidency and all that it stands for. His supporters have become a brainwashed group of lemmings turning a blind eye to Trump’s numerous golf trips, outrageous statements, excessive tweets, unhinged ramblings, and war against the poor. 2018 needs to see democracy at its finest with record voter turnout, particularly by the marginalized.

On February 16^th, a speeding, distracted driver failed to realize that the light was red and vehicles were not in motion. His actions caused a great deal of trouble for persons in two cars, especially for someone I love whose life is likely to never be the same. He has been in constant pain and discomfort, with developing problems ever since this accident and another similar accident in May, in which I was the driver and we were again rear-ended at a red light. Drivers really need to pay attention. Get off your fucking cell phones and other electronic devices and look at the fucking road in front of you! Do not run red lights and stop signs. Pay attention or get off the fucking road!

In March, my oldest daughter turned 18 and shortly afterward decided to move in with her father. I can probably count on one hand how many times I have seen her since then, even though her grandmother was dying of Alzheimer’s. She didn’t even go to the rosary or the funeral service. Despite the fact that I spent hundreds of dollars to send her on three conference trips for HOSA (Health Occupations Students of America) to Sacramento and Anaheim, special clothing and supplies and unending encouragement in her endeavor to be a doctor (even though I knew the actual likelihood of being a doctor was slim due to learning and emotional problems), she is telling people that I tried to kill her. This could not be further from the truth. The incident she refers to occurred while I was driving and she was fighting with her younger sister. After numerous times telling them to be quiet, I yelled “shut the fuck up!” She proceeded to call me a whore because I slept with her father (whom I was married to) more than once and had more than one child. In my attempt to smack her in the mouth, I missed and hit her in the neck. I do not advocate violence and I am sorry that I missed her mouth and hit her in the neck, but I think most people can agree that she was way out of line even if they can’t agree that attempting to smack her in the mouth was the appropriate reaction.

April, May and June were, for the most part, the best part of 2017 for me. In April, I auditioned to be in Annie after 22 years of not really doing any theatre except for teaching/directing. I had been largely discouraged during my 14-year marriage and had not ventured to do anything I was previously told “no” to since being freed from this marriage. I was cast and had a great deal of fun rehearsing and performing in this musical for the third time in my life. I cannot pass the month of May though without noting the unfortunate suicide of a musical great, Chris Cornell.

In July, we lost another musical great, Chester Bennington. While I did not know Chris Cornell or Chester Bennington personally, I loved their contribution to music and their music, as well as their magic, will be forever remembered. Someone I did know personally also passed in July, very near the time of Chester’s death. Her name is Shay Rogers. She and I used to work together many years ago and she was a delightful person to be around. I will always remember her for giving me tickets to see numerous races at Irwindale Speedway. Leukemia took her way too early and left two children without their mother.

In August, I began working as a privately contracted music instructor, an occupation that I never thought I would have. My father told me I would never make any money with music. My ex-husband seemed to share that belief. I had pretty much hung up any notion of doing music as anything more than a mere hobby and I had completely given up on being on stage.

In September, I lost my mother to Alzheimer’s. Just typing these words brings tears to my eyes. I had tears in my eyes this morning too as I thought about my mother while I took a shower. Today was not really a good day for me as I have been recovering from the flu and did not feel very well today. To add insult to injury, I was unable to take flowers to my mom’s gravesite for Christmas because of the flu and I felt guilty that as of today, I still hadn’t made it to her gravesite. I hope to go tomorrow. Her service was held in October and her birthday would have been in November, which brings us to December.

On the whole, this month was a pretty good month, even with the flu. If anything, the flu afforded me an opportunity to take a break and rest. I have been going non-stop for the past two and a half years and I needed to be able to just do nothing but watch television and rest. I came up with an idea for a Disney movie during this time. I may have been delusional, and this idea may be delusional, but what Disney movie isn’t a little delusional? Before catching the flu, I saw the hottest musical of the decade, Hamilton (unfortunately, this is probably where I caught the flu). The worst part of the month was not the flu, but the decision to let my youngest and only son go live with his father. This decision did not come easily, but came from the desire to not have him be in the middle of a bitter custody battle and to honor his wishes. I have always tried to do what was in the best interest of my children. I have been far from perfect in this endeavor, but when it came to them spending time with their father, I have only once interfered and it was because of the crap their father was telling them about me (he still does talk a lot of trash).

This year has had some ups and a lot of downs, but it has taught me some things. I have learned that fear is the only thing standing in my way now. I have overcome fear at times to do things I wanted to do like Annie. I have learned that my naysayers no longer have any power over me. I learned they never should have had any. I realized that I have lost a lot of friends over the years because they have moved away and forgot about me, while I never forgot about them. I have come to expect that, but moving forward, I am going to just forget about them too. In the event that I ever get lucky and become famous for writing or something and they come out of the woodwork, I will definitely forget them. The only people that will matter going forward will be the people who have always been there for me. These are the only people who should ever matter. This year, like every year before it, is behind me. There were lessons to be learned that should be carried into the new year, but the years themselves are gone. Out with the old, in with the new.