Everything Happens for a Reason

Everything Happens for a Reason

Earlier this month, I wrote an entry titled “Momma Did You Know?” in which I wondered if my mom knew that I would end up being the one to take care of her in her final days. I thought about the fact that if my life had turned out the way I had planned, she would have likely died alone in a nursing home sooner than she did and I may not have been by her side. I thought about the fact that I had come from a long line of women who had married abusive husbands and that as a divorced woman, I had broken the cycle and raised my girls to be strong, independent and expect more from their relationships. I realized that all the suffering I endured over the course of my life, and most especially in the last 20 years, had served a purpose.

This morning, I went to the doctor. I have been sick for nearly five weeks now, at first with a cold, and now with a sinus infection. I went to the doctor this past Sunday also, and was given an antibiotic, pain medication and Flonase. Today I still feel as bad as I did a week ago. I have been unable to work as many hours as I would like to because my line of work requires that I not sound like I am talking under water and not be sneezing and sniveling all over the place. I also cannot breathe, sleep, or eat and drink properly. I frequently get choked on what I am drinking because I cannot breathe well enough to drink. The point of this blog though is not to describe how sick I feel now, but to talk about my blood pressure.

A year ago, I began to have high blood pressure when I would go to the doctor. In November, I lost my job at an engineering company. They stated on my unemployment paperwork that I was laid off, but the truth of the matter is, they replaced me with someone else. To say I was upset with them for doing this is an understatement. I helped them win 3 lawsuits they were involved in and cleaned up a massive and expensive mess that was left by their previous receptionist. Unlike other employees who were frequently late and often messing around on their phone, I had good attendance, was rarely late and prioritized work over being on my phone. The only real problem that I had involved my parents’ needs, which generally would be the reason for a few late arrivals. I also supposedly, according to the Vice President’s son, needed to “stick with my own race and age group”. I was angry and stressed out and this only served to raise my blood pressure even higher. My doctor was ready to hospitalize me and put me on blood pressure medication. I begged him not to because I needed to be there for my parents. I was given two weeks to bring it down or else.

I brought it down to acceptable levels, but it still remained higher than it used to be. I used to be in the 110’s and 120’s and now I was doing good to keep it below 140. I have not heard that it was too high since December of last year. Today it was 126 / 70. It seems that those ungrateful and racist assholes saved my life by letting me go.

When I am working, I make nearly twice as much as I did working for the engineering company doing what I love. Money is going to be tight for a little while since I am sick, but pretty soon I will be doing well, doing what I love and being a whole lot healthier doing it. Sometimes we don’t understand why things happen. I sure didn’t understand why I managed to marry the wrong person, suffer 20 years of misfortune and lose a job for no reason, but it seems to me that all of these things happened for a reason.